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Date:2007-01-14 16:26
Subject:best rock band name based on my horoscope for tomorrow:

Originally published at RachelsColeman. You can comment here or there.

“Community-Oriented Aquarius”

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Date:2007-01-08 22:14
Subject:it's been a long time...

So sorry I've been so lame.  If you've wanted to know the Away Message of the Day for the past few days you had to tragically look it up yourself.
I'm a bad blogger.
I've been doing a few things.  One is working on Jill and Rachel Go On an Outing, a new exciting blog about the legendary friendship Rachel and Jill share that will be up shortly (tomorrow perhaps?).  Another is flirting with boys and getting rejected.  A third is drinking beer and sleeping.  Anyway, without "further adieu" (as Zapp Branigan would say)...

Away Message of the Day:
If a tree fell in the woods... would the other trees laugh at it? 

Well, AIM, you raise an interesting question, which is only one in the long cannon of tree-falling-cliche-jokes.  Cliche jokes are so tempting, but only the rare genius does it right.  Sad to say, AIM, you are not one of these geniuses.  The only man I can think of who has achieved brilliance with this tired cliche is Jack Handey, of Saturday Night Live fame.  I find his "Deep Thoughts" endlessly amusing.  Here is one that relates to our current conversation, AIM: 

"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."

See? Hilarious.

Ergo, if trees could laugh at other trees for falling down, they most likely could also scream and thus would be cut down for all their relentless screaming.  See, that's good blogging, taking one liner jokes and turning them into shallow philosophy. Trees don't laugh.  You heard it here first, kids.

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Date:2006-12-31 16:26
Subject:inside jokes are bad (but tempting)

First of all, I'd like to thank to thank David Daw for helping out with this feature while I was away.
Second of all, I'd like to admonish David Daw for trying to usurp me from my throne of pop culture sluttiness.  I am here to stay, DAW, and nothing can stop me, not even the most skilled of the Jewel Thieves.

In any case, I have returned, in all my breathtaking glory, to once again inform you of the Away Message of the Day.

I'm spending some quality time with my pillow. We need to catch up. 

Well AIM, if you really feel that way, there's a song I think you might like.  It's by Chris Maguire and the Latter Day Saints, a great band that we all know only comes out of hiding once every eight months or so to create a song so new and amazing that even the gods do envy their wit and talent.  You would envy them too, AIM.  Anyway, no one understands the need to be close to your pillow quite as much as CMATLDS, who captured this close relationship in a song of heart-stopping brilliance.

The refrain goes as follows:
My only friend is my pillow
it picks me up when I feel low
and I just wanted you to know
that I cry myself to sleep

So yes, AIM, remember, whenever you feel confused or lonely, Chris Maguire and the Latter Day Saints have been there.  Embrace your pillow, and do it hard. 

Note: For complete lyrics to this song, sadly you are out of luck.  The CMATLDS website was destroyed in a tragic server fire, most likely started by rogue music critics who were scared that the life changing sounds of the band would one day render them useless.  Some say that if you go to a certain bar in Brooklyn, buy two belgian beers, and say the words "post modernism" or "social construction" three times above a lit candle, they will appear briefly and sing to you a song that will save the world.  Unfortunately, you will never be able to hear anything again, so best not to risk it.

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Date:2006-12-22 20:32
Subject:Away Message of the Day

I don't think Hollywood has taken full advantage of the "evil Santa" concept. (same as yesterday)

Wow, AIM, either you're extremely lazy or just extremely invested in this whole "evil Santa" thing.  As I stated yesterday, I personally believe, if you try hard enough, you can get all the evil Santa you want, but as it seems this whole thing is really bothering you, may i suggest a petition?  Maybe Fox would be interested in a reality show about your quest to persuade the powers that be to get off their asses and make more films featuring evil Santas? If not Fox, perhaps The Hallmark Channel.  Have they done any reality shows?  I don't think so, and we all know they lovvve Christmas.  But regardless of your decision, either take some sort of action or change your damn away mesage.  I'm serious AIM, no one likes a complainer.

And with that, I'm off to Mexico.  Who knows if I'll have internet access. 

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Date:2006-12-21 21:45
Subject:away message of the day:

I don't think Hollywood has taken full advantage of the "evil Santa" concept. 

You raise an interesting point, AIM.  But obviously, you haven't seen Christmas EvilOr maybe you have, and you loved it so much that now you need more Evil Santas.  Also, watch any Futurama Christmas episode for a healthy of dose of evil Santas.  Evil ROBOT Santas.  Idk, you're still a tool, AIM.

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Date:2006-12-21 20:43
Subject:Colbert is a golden god

So I don't know how many of you saw The Colbert Report last night, but it was pretty crazily amazing. I think my jaw dropped about ten times during the 30-minute broadcast. The only thing I can relate it to is the awesome-variety-show-fest-surprise that was the season finale of the most recent season of American Idol -in which tons of surprise guests came on and performed in unexpectedly awesome ways. American Idol, keep in mind, is the number one most watched show on television with about 30,000,000 viewers a show.
So everyone knew that after his first Green Screen Challenge, indie rock sensation The Decemberists launched their own green screen contest, which Colbert responded to in a "Who's Riding My Coattails Now" segment, after which The Decemberists asked him to face them in a Guitar Solo Duel.  Colbert, gentleman that he is, accepted of course, and the showdown was to take place last night.  So I was prepared, as was the rest of The Colbert Nation, for an appearance by The Decemberists.

Nothing could have prepared me for what actually went down last night.  The show was called "Rock and Awe: Countdown to Guitarmageddon" which is awesome on its own.  What followed was even more awesome.  After announcing that Decemberists' lead guitarist Chris Funk was there to duel with Stephen, he introduced an opening act of sorts, Rob Schneider of Apples in Stereo, probably my current favorite band, came out and sang an original song about Colbert called "Stephen, Stephen".  That was jaw drop number 1.  It was awesome.
Next, Colbert introduced the panel that would judge the dueling solos.  They were a music critic from The New York Times, a professor from the Clive Davis School of Recorded Music at our very own NYU, and governor-elect Elliot Spitzer.  Spitzer= jaw drop number 2.  
But before they could start "shredding" they needed someone to operate the starting gun, as Colbert put it.  Who would this man be?  Well, The Colbert Report managed to pipe in from Washington arguably one of the most significant historical political figures still living today: none other than Henry Fucking Kissinger.  Yeah, that would be jaw drop number 3.  Insane.

So Chris Funk goes first and obviously tears shit up.  Stephen starts to play his crazy guitar he borrowed from Cheap Trick, but after just a few notes "cuts his finger" and needs someone to replace him.  Who is conveniently at the studio that can rise to this task?  None other than fucking Peter Frampton.  Not that I'm a fan by any means, but still: jaw drop number 4.

I mean, as you can imagine the whole thing was, more or less, the definition of a spectacle.  I really can't believe how huge Colbert has gotten this year.  Like he has become this amazing powerful player in the media.  At least he's using his powers for good (or for awesome).

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Date:2006-12-20 22:06

So at my fabulous job I use AIM Express. When you sign on to AIM Express, this AIM Today page opens up. I've recently noticed that if you scroll down towards the bottom they give you the "Away Message of the Day", which is perhaps the stupidest concept of all time. It always tries to be witty and original, but millions of people could potentially use it. It makes no sense to me.
So, as a new Rachels Coleman feature, I will write about the AMOTD daily, so you can know what AIM thinks your friends should think you're doing. You know, in case you were wondering.

Today's AMOTD: 
"Rockin' around the Christmas tree... naked. Intrigued?"

No AIM, I am not intrigued.  Suppose for a moment, you were browsing away message and two or more of your (tooly) friends has this away message up?  How confusing would that be?  It'd be like "Are toolA and toolB naked together around a christmas tree somewhere?"  Does not compute.

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Date:2006-11-22 13:33
Subject:being an improv groupie is totally worth it

Last week, after Harold Night I went to McManus, the "improv bar", with Rebecca and her friend Eric. Horatio Sanz was there. Now I know some people think Horatio Sanz isn't funny. Those people have never seen him do Improv.

But last night, after Harold Night, I went back to the Improv Bar with Eric, Shane and this other guy. Horatio Sanz was there again. But -he was there with WILL ARNETT. They were playing some video game. I said "excuse me" to them when I needed to get by to go outside for a cigarette. Will FUCKING Arnett. :sigh:

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Date:2006-11-13 02:35

1. Desperate Housewives has unexpectedly gotten awesome again. The last two episodes were fucking amazing.

2. Saturday night Jill, Andrew and I went to B-Side and David Cross was there. Yay.

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Date:2006-10-29 18:21
Subject:funny survey type thing...

Got this from rivers02.... thought i'd try it...

Set your media player to random, then write down the first ten songs and add the phrase "in my pants" to the titles. Hilarity ensues.

1. Belle & Sebastian- the boy with the arab strap in my pants
2. The Beatles- Her Majesty in my pants
3. of Montreal- when a man is in love with a man in my pants
4. Christina Aguilera- come on over baby in my pants
5. They Might Be Giants- The Guitar in my pants
6. The Residents- Denial: Betty's body in my pants
7. Neutral Milk Hotel: Song against sex in my pants
8. Weezer- Dope nose in my pants
9. The Strokes- Someday in my pants
10. The Kinks- Johnny Thunder in my pants

good times

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Date:2006-10-25 18:24
Subject:i wrote a paper on myspace

two things:

the first: when i realized i was writing about social networking on the internet it was all I could do not to include everyone's favorite thesis statement written at a top school, "When it comes to socialness, the internet phenomenon really takes the cake"

the second: the actual title of my paper: "This space is Your space, this space is My space: Myspace and Mass Culture"

good times.

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Date:2006-10-16 21:28
Subject:yo momma is so somthing...

So today at work, I almost had to write questions about an episode of the MTV show Yo Momma. Yes, that one. The one where Wilmer Valderama tries to find the best "trash talkers" in any given place and pits them against each other. It's all very touching.

So yeah, I was imagining my questions being as follows:
Q: What did Big Will do to Rae Rae to make her upset?
a. make fun of her mother
b. trip her while walking
c. beat up her boyfriend
d. stole money from her
And after that, what questions could I possibly write?

The questions more realistically would have had to take a form somthing like this:
For the joke that one person made "Yo momma's so fat she needs a lifeguard for her ceral"-
Q: What did Big Will say Rae Rae's mother did because she was overweight?
a. Got a lifeguard for her ceral
And then with four creative/realistic fake answers. Boy am I glad it ended up being a rerun.

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Date:2006-10-12 08:29

most recent episode of lost spoiler-ishCollapse )

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Date:2006-10-11 15:28
Subject:i love october

Whats fun about october is walking down the street and being constantly surrounded by baseball. Everyone is wearing their team's shirts or hats. Everyone is in bars cheering. I constantly overhear baseball related cell phone calls. People smile at other fans with respect and solidarity. The world is great when the air is buzzing with what you love.

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Date:2006-09-29 23:57

There are lots of places you can propose to your girlfriend... a nice restaurant, the middle of the street, the top of the Empire State building, in the middle of beautiful field... even some places that are public... a sporting event, over the radio, on some weird-yet-touching reality show that changes both of your lives.
The weirdest place possible to propose to someone?

On Paula's Party with Paula Dean.

I guess cooking really makes some people emotional or somthing. Weird.

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Date:2006-09-29 21:39

So today at work I wrote questions about an Episode of Friends. If you're interested in what I and mtfujifunhour do when we're not blogging (or going to school, or trying to be comedians, or contemplating existence, or picking up people in bars) you can check it out at RewardTV. It's not too exciting, but, you know.

Anyway, while waiting to re-run check and episode of some Discovery Channel Show I was sitting near a Lifetime viewing station and noticed Kristen Bell on the screen. She stars in a Lifetime Original movie from 2004 called Gracie's Choice. It's about a troubled teen who's in High School but also needs to raise her three half-brothers and one half-sister. Also, she's about to get into an interracial relationship!!!!! Also, she has a cute haircut.

Very Lifetime.

Oh, things you learn at your job when it involves being constantly surrounded by TVs.

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Date:2006-09-17 11:59
Subject:my best creation

So I consider myself a pretty active social networker. I maintain two blogs and am constantly on myspace and facebook.

As we all know, facebook has a tendency to spark trends. When global groups were created we all got asked to join a million groups called "the biggest group on facebook" or something like that. Until this point facebook groups were more or less a way to make your interests known and that was it. But now groups could be huge.

The next big trend in facebook groups happened recently during the whole feed-fiasco. People were angry that their already visible information was now slightly more visible. They protested the only way they knew how: with facebook groups. I think I was asked to join literally 10 protest groups about how much the new facebook sucked. I didn't really care too much so I didn't join. I did, however, start my first jokey facebook group called "I don't care whats happening on facebook and I won't join your group" and instructed people not to join. I only got like 64 people in that one. It was lame. Plus, it became obsolete once Mark Zuckerburg apologized and the anti-feed groups died down.

But now there is a new trend. I first noticed it when I was asked to join that group about the guy who needed 100,000 people in his group for his girlfriend to have a threesome (though i think there were similar groups before...). I did join, it was kind of interesting. Anyway, since then I have noticed tons of groups popping up with the same idea more or less.... get some amount of people, do something. I finally got asked to join one that I thought was hilarious. It was called "If 100,000 people join this group I will tip a waiter at least 20 percent". I guess I shouldn't assume everyone has the same sense of humor as me but i really thought this group was supposed to be a joke. I thought it was like "what's something so common and stupid that will be funny to make a big deal about on facebook?" but alas, I was wrong. This guy is fucking serious.

So I retaliated by creating "If this group reaches 100,000 members, the goal of this group will be met". I am very happy about it. I love ironic and/or meta things and I think this group is a little of both.

So check it out, join if you'd like. Invite people to join, please. I think it will be funny.

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Date:2006-09-10 14:51
Subject:i accidentally heckled Michael Showalter

Did you know Starbucks was a partner in producing Akeelah and the Bee?



View Results

storyCollapse )

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Date:2006-09-09 10:54
Subject:what i entered on wikipedia, and what they said back

Last night's party
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
"This page may meet Wikipedia's criteria for speedy deletion. The given reason is: This article provides no meaningful content or history, and/or the text is unsalvageably incoherent. It is patent nonsense (CSD G1).
If you agree with the deletion, there is no need to do anything; you do not need to blank this page.

If this page obviously does not meet the criteria for speedy deletion, or you intend to fix it, please remove this notice, but do not remove this notice from pages that you have created yourself. If you created this page and you disagree with this page's proposed speedy deletion, please explain why on its talk page, after adding the text "hangon" with two brace brackets into the article, following the {{db-reason}} tag at the top of the article:

This will alert administrators to your intention, and may permit you the time to write your explanation.

Administrators, remember to check what links here, the page history (last edit), the page log, and any revisions of CSD before deletion."

www.lastnightsparty.com is a website where these douchebag hipster guys go to the most happening douchebag hipster party of the night, take pictures of douchebag hipsters/naked hipster chicks with boobs doing stupid things and puts them on the website the next morning. Then gawker makes fun of it on blue states loose and it symbolizes everything thats wrong with hipster culture/america.

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Date:2006-09-07 17:38
Subject:a few things...

firstly, the great David Daw has offered to set me up a real blog. Like one not hosted by LJ that will just be www.rachelscoleman.com, so hopefully that will happen soon and then maybe, one day, i will be taken seriously in the blogosphere. So watch out for that.

Secondly, yesterday in my classes I was jotting down notes for my blog so here they are (and explained).

-SCA=Gallatin for the lazy
So I started "Concepts in Social and Cultural Analasys" which is the intro class to the brand-spanking-new CAS Department SCA. The professor was super psyched about this and was describing it was completly revolutionary. He said we can study whatever we want (as long as we defend it), it will be very interdisciplinary and we will have more discussions than usual. Sound like anything to anybody?

-No one in this class reads blogs. Fewer, even, write them
Once again, a reference to my SCA class. The professor asked us how many read blogs and, out of about 100 people, only about 10 raised their hands. He then asked who writes blogs and only me and one other person raised our hands. Out of 100 NYU students that doesn't seem to add up to me. Whatever, maybe it's because like 70 of them are freshmen?

-Karen Hornick's class=Match made in heaven
She e-mailed us before the first class to tell us to read an article from "Entertainment Weekly"... not only do I have the issue but I loved the article, cried about it and showed it to people. I love people who love Pop Culture as much as me.

-Why do I hate people all of a sudden? I guess I just have smart friends
pretty self explanatory. when everyone I talk to on a regular basis is so smart, dumb people get much harder to deal with.

And that was my first day of my last semester of school.

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